What some philosophical terms ought to mean (but don’t)

These misdefinitions were my contributions to the Uxbridge Dictionary of Philosophy, which was compiled by my late teacher, Hugh Mellor

A priori: Someone already said that

A fortiori: There are at least 40 papers on this already

A posteriori: He is talking out of his arse

Argumentum ad baculum: Back-stabbing

Contingent proposition: Unnecessary remark

Ex post facto: The proof is in the mail

Existential import: Cheap foreign philosophy

Goedel’s Theorem: Every system of truths contains at least one that is misrepresented by popularisers

Propositional calculus: The science of pick-up lines

Sorites Paradox: Philosophers never lose enough hairs to become bald

Surprise Examination Paradox: Students are never ready for the exam

Third Man Argument: I can’t see what’s wrong with this, but I’m sure NN can refute it.

Anthony Gottlieb, 2012